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Archive for August, 2014

Dear Lord,
I went through a dark season in which I was unaware of you carrying me. The trust that I had in you uprooted itself and landed in my feeble hands. Whilst I learnt that your purposes are far above mine, and that you are weaving together a masterpiece for your glory, I somehow failed to believe that you felt my pain. That you deeply cared. I just had to learn to trust your Sovereignty…yet I misunderstood it. Sovereignty became a cold word. It meant you were in control but distant. That you loved me in Jesus, but left me alone in my pain.
Often in our suffering, we want the world to know. We yearn for the unfairness of circumstances to be affirmed. For people to see all we have been through in the darkness. Yet in that we fail to hear His whispers. We fail to acknowledge His provision. We fail to truly put our hope in the one who sustains. Do I understand that God knows? Do I believe that you are kind? Am I deeply convicted of your goodness toward me?

Why do we find it so hard to trust your character? The blindness of the Israelites in their failure to see how much you were caring for them is present in my heart. Rather than running to You, I have run from You.

I reduced your Word to a set of theological truths that I should believe. Merely a historical source. Synonymously, my view of You became impersonal and distant. Why? Because our view of Your Word is inextricably linked to our view of You. For this distance I blamed You. Not realising it was a result of human sin. Both mine and that of others. All the while You remained constant, wanting me to see that Your character was unchanged by my perception of it.

I was reminded recently that the bible is rich and colourful. It is revelation of a Holy God that desires to be known. It is not something I should approach with familiarity but with reverence and wonder. It is rivers of living water. What I have free access to, people in some parts of the world are dying for being in possession of. What I freely read in my own language, devoted men wrestled with original manuscripts to translate with great care.

The bible is about a person. That person is Jesus. And He desires me to know Him.

I suddenly feel vulnerable. Exposed. Like the wall I’ve been hiding behind is falling down brick by brick leaving me standing in Your presence. The very place Jesus has been leading me. The very place Jesus secured for me to stand. By His own blood. Like Adam and Eve, my first instinct is to run and try to hide. But where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? In the heavens, in the depths: even there your hand will guide me and your right hand will hold me me fast.

Your Sovereignty is not cold, but the provision of your hand moving in every detail of my life. It is not distant but deeply personal and intimately involved. Whilst I may not understand why, help me to know the security of being safe in You.

Lord may Your Spirit keep leading me back to You. For where else can I go? You alone have the words of eternal life.

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